


carrying the trauma

by LiveLaughLovex



Series: dare to dance [22]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Post-Episode: s10e21 'Ohe ia e Loa'a Aku He Ulua Kapapa No Ka Moana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23405038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLaughLovex/pseuds/LiveLaughLovex
Summary: “Doris wasn’t a good person. She wasn’t. But she was still my mother. I loved her, and I miss her.”"I know."(Post-s10e21. In the aftermath of Danny's attack, while coming up with a plan to move forward, Steve and Kono discuss his mother.)
Relationships: Kono Kalakaua & Danny "Danno" Williams, Kono Kalakaua & Steve McGarrett
Series: dare to dance [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507634
Kudos: 13





	carrying the trauma

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a quote by Ijeoma Umebinyuo regarding mothers. Considering how Steve talks about Doris, I felt it was fitting.

“Here,” Kono muttered, suppressing a wince as she met Danny’s gaze. She pressed the icepack into his hand, forcing a smile when he quietly voiced his thanks and lifted it to his bruised face. “You sure I can’t drive you to the hospital, Danny?” she asked yet again. “He got in some pretty good hits…”

Danny pushed himself into a sitting position, wincing as the movement aggravated his already sore ribs. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be sore in the morning, but other than that…” He shrugged away her concern. “Have you, uh, have you called the techs in yet?”

Kono nodded. “They should be here soon. You said you didn’t get a good look at the guy, right? Nothing clear enough to sit you down with a sketch artist?”

Danny shook his head. “He was wearing a mask, and then…” He exhaled slowly. “Well, after that, I was a little preoccupied.”

Kono smiled sympathetically. “Right.”

Danny mustered up a grin of his own. “Hey, stop hovering,” he ordered teasingly, though the humor left his gaze within seconds. “It’s bad, isn’t it? Whatever brought that guy here, looking for the cypher?”

Kono hesitated briefly, then nodded once. “Knowing what we do about Doris McGarrett, I doubt she left it to Steve for good reasons. I just hope Cole’s guy is able to decipher it for us.”

“Hopefully before it all ends in bloodshed,” Danny suggested sardonically, glancing up as his partner made his way past them. “Anything?” he called after the lieutenant commander.

“No,” Steve returned without stopping, taking the stairs two at a time.

Kono glanced over at the Jersey native, who simply nodded after his partner. “You should probably go check on him,” the detective advised. “ _Before_ he completely destroys his attic.”

“Right,” Kono murmured under her breath, doing just that.

He was staring down into an old box of what appeared to be photographs when she found him, the look on his face so lost it caused her heart to physically ache. “Hi,” she greeted softly, offering a gentle smile as she made her way deeper into the space.

“Hey,” he returned roughly, clearing his throat. “HPD’s on their way?”

“They’ll be here in five minutes,” she assured him, moving closer and smiling sadly down at the picture he held in his hand. “Your parents?” she questioned, though she already knew the answer. Despite the obvious signs of aging, neither John nor Doris had changed much over the years.

“Yup,” he confirmed hoarsely. He placed the picture atop the stack in the box, then firmly placed the lid atop it and moved it aside. “I’ve been trying to find clues up here – things she might’ve left before – but she was pretty good at cutting ties completely. I don’t think I’ll find anything.”

“Steve,” Kono began quietly, “are you sure you’re okay?”

His movements paused, and he exhaled deeply before turning to stare at her. “I spent almost half my life thinking my mother was dead. When she came back into my life all those years ago… there was a part of me that felt like she’d died all over again, even when she was standing right there. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. By all accounts, she was a…” He trailed off, shrugging helplessly. “Doris wasn’t a good person,” he finished finally. “She wasn’t. But she was still my mother. I loved her, and I miss her.”

“I know,” Kono murmured, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder gently.

“I just…” He glanced away from her, staring at the boxes stacked all around them. “I don’t know how many more of her sins I can atone for, Kono. I don’t know if I can keep… seeing my mother so clearly. Because every time I find out something new, I hate her a little bit more. I shouldn’t feel that way.”

“Your mother abandoned you when you were a kid, Steve,” Kono reminded him firmly. “She lied to you and your sister your entire lives. Nobody gets to tell you how you should feel about any of what she did. Nobody gets to tell you how you should feel about _her_. That’s up to you.”

He nodded once, meeting her gaze once more. “I need to put her behind me,” he told her quietly. “If I’m going to be able to move on, I need… I need to put my past in the past.”

“Okay,” Kono agreed, mustering up a supportive smile. “So…”

“So,” he exhaled, flashing a humorless smile, “I think I have to figure out what that cypher means.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Kono agreed simply. “We’ll do that, and then we’ll go from there. Okay?”

“Okay,” Steve agreed, nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay,” she repeated, squeezing his arm gently as she smiled up at him.

She could only hope that, in the end, it all would be.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're all staying safe in self-isolation! Look after yourselves! :)


End file.
